Dante, yamburgers, and loo roll...

Okay, so I once took a bunch of ten-year-olds from a less than affluent neighbourhood in Toronto through the National Gallery of Canada, stopping, of course, at my favourite painting, which is a Rosetti depicting Dante and Beatrice meeting in Florence (from the Vita Nuova) and Purgatory (from The Divine Comedy). After explaining to them who Dante and Beatrice were, and giving them a 30-second skeleton of their unconsummated romance, one of them asked me, "Why didn't Dante, like, get with Beatrice?" Wasn't like that, kids. Dante's fragile, poetic self could hardly bear the pure beauty and light that Beatrice was to him, and indeed, made clear for all history that he was willing to expose his soul to the workings of eternity just to prove himself worthy of her presence. "Lame," was the response. And now someone has extended that reaction in a way I didn't, for the life of me, forsee: as a video game.

The Wired blog describes how Dante has, in video game land, been transformed from a lost, exiled, middle-aged poet into a battle-hardened veteran of the Crusades, who must fight through the circles of hell to save Beatrice, who has had the unfortunate luck of being murdered, and then having her soul kidnapped by Lucifer. Dante is back, it seems, and this time, it's personal. This is either a nifty way of piquing interest in the classics, or a serious crime against literature. Maybe both. Either way, Virgil seems to be absent, so I'm giving the whole idea a resonding "meh!"

In other news, apparently Americans really are that decadent. Their penchant for ultra-soft, super quilted, triple layer loo roll will kill us all. Read about it here, in the Guardian. Props to the Big G on this one. I've always wondered what motivates people to buy luxury loo roll. Seriously. It's silly on so many levels. Use two-ply recycled, people. It gets the job done just as well. To re-iterate: we're on the verge of environmental apocalypse. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the maximum comfort of your bum is less important than clean air, adequate food, comfy houses, and the general prevention of waves of global strife, death and destruction. But that's just one woman's opinion.

Also, check out this great recipe for yamburgers, the best kind of veggie burger. (At least that's my tuppence. Feel free to disagree). I didn't use the boullion cubes or garlic, opting for celery salt and various herbs and things (thyme, parsley, allspice and a pinch of curry powder). I also found that two large sweet potatoes were enough, a red onion works nicely, and that the beans could be mashed (Thanks, Sam!) And there were yamburgers for all, and much rejoicing ensued.

This just confuses me. It's entirely without context, and while mildly amusing to some (vaguely unsettling and subtly eerie for me) it's nonsensical. What is this for? What is its purpose? What does it want? To answer with your theories, write them in Latin, in a mirror, on a used Zone 3 Underground ticket. Affix it, with mint chewing gum, to the inside lid of the first bin you pass walking down Fleet Street to the Alwych. A reply will come to you by way of a message on inscribed inside a cup of take-away Earl Grey tea, honey, no milk, on the second Tuesday of the month, wherever you are at 4 PM. Alternatively, leave a comment.

Food and shelter...

For anyone who lives in London, apparently Neds Noodle Bar has good American-style (as the guy I met in the elevator described it) Chinese food. There are two things to recommend it: one, your noodles will come in one of those American-style Chinese take-out boxes, like the kind detectives on Law and Order have scattered on their desk when the implication is needed that "it's so late, Mike and Lenny had to get take-out to fuel their lateral thinking skills!" Two, Neds' website, though really kitsch and somewhat casually racist, is seemingly very functional. Maybe the next time I'm solving a murder, or making a 15-slide PowerPoint presentation, I'll indulge.

And, if you feel that there's something missing in your life, something warm and furry and captionable, then check out these personal ads for a special feline or canine friend. It's like reading people personal ads, but less sad, and more fluffy (though I'm more than a bit concerned when they mention things like "Muffin's owner was made redundant and became homeless, so we're trying to find Muffin a new home.")

Did you know that?

According to Wikipedia, "after underwatering with tap-water, the most common cause of Venus flytrap death is prodding the traps to watch them close and feeding them cheese and other inappropriate items." Note to self, brie is people food. Not carnivorous plant food. Brie for me. Not for dionaea muscipula. Right. Got it.

Also, Google is available in Klingon.

If I could design shareware computer games...

I'd make a game like Pacman, only instead of a bigger yellow dot eating small white dots being chased down and possibly deleted by ghostish things, I would have a small, floating kitten equipped with butterfly wings eating rose petals, being chased by a fluffy baby bunny. The kitten, if caught by the bunny, would not be deleted, only tickled, and no GAME OVER would appear after three tickle sessions. The game would only end when the kitten needed to take a nap in a pile of towels fresh from the dryer. I think the world would be a better place.

Bistromatic Gnocchi

Named for the engine powering Slartibastfast's ship in Life, the Universe and Everything, this gnocchi preparation is a tasty dinner time treat.

1 package of gnocchi
2 big handfuls of mushrooms, sliced
4 cloves of garlic, crushed and chopped
1 small jar of tomato sauce
1/2 triangle of brie, skin removed and cut into small chunks.
olive oil

- Boil some water with a pinch of salt and add the gnocchi. Cook as you would normal pasta, but watch it since gnocchi take far less time.
- In the meantime, heat a bit of olive oil and fry the garlic. When the garlic is soft, add the mushrooms.
- When the gnocchi is almost finished and floating to the top, drain it and stir it into the mushroom/garlic mix. Cook until the mushrooms are soft and brown.
- Add the tomato sauce and brie, and stir until the brie is melted.
- Serve with a salad, and remember to move the gnocchi around your plate constantly to make your spaceship go faster.