Dante, yamburgers, and loo roll...

Okay, so I once took a bunch of ten-year-olds from a less than affluent neighbourhood in Toronto through the National Gallery of Canada, stopping, of course, at my favourite painting, which is a Rosetti depicting Dante and Beatrice meeting in Florence (from the Vita Nuova) and Purgatory (from The Divine Comedy). After explaining to them who Dante and Beatrice were, and giving them a 30-second skeleton of their unconsummated romance, one of them asked me, "Why didn't Dante, like, get with Beatrice?" Wasn't like that, kids. Dante's fragile, poetic self could hardly bear the pure beauty and light that Beatrice was to him, and indeed, made clear for all history that he was willing to expose his soul to the workings of eternity just to prove himself worthy of her presence. "Lame," was the response. And now someone has extended that reaction in a way I didn't, for the life of me, forsee: as a video game.

The Wired blog describes how Dante has, in video game land, been transformed from a lost, exiled, middle-aged poet into a battle-hardened veteran of the Crusades, who must fight through the circles of hell to save Beatrice, who has had the unfortunate luck of being murdered, and then having her soul kidnapped by Lucifer. Dante is back, it seems, and this time, it's personal. This is either a nifty way of piquing interest in the classics, or a serious crime against literature. Maybe both. Either way, Virgil seems to be absent, so I'm giving the whole idea a resonding "meh!"

In other news, apparently Americans really are that decadent. Their penchant for ultra-soft, super quilted, triple layer loo roll will kill us all. Read about it here, in the Guardian. Props to the Big G on this one. I've always wondered what motivates people to buy luxury loo roll. Seriously. It's silly on so many levels. Use two-ply recycled, people. It gets the job done just as well. To re-iterate: we're on the verge of environmental apocalypse. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the maximum comfort of your bum is less important than clean air, adequate food, comfy houses, and the general prevention of waves of global strife, death and destruction. But that's just one woman's opinion.

Also, check out this great recipe for yamburgers, the best kind of veggie burger. (At least that's my tuppence. Feel free to disagree). I didn't use the boullion cubes or garlic, opting for celery salt and various herbs and things (thyme, parsley, allspice and a pinch of curry powder). I also found that two large sweet potatoes were enough, a red onion works nicely, and that the beans could be mashed (Thanks, Sam!) And there were yamburgers for all, and much rejoicing ensued.

This just confuses me. It's entirely without context, and while mildly amusing to some (vaguely unsettling and subtly eerie for me) it's nonsensical. What is this for? What is its purpose? What does it want? To answer with your theories, write them in Latin, in a mirror, on a used Zone 3 Underground ticket. Affix it, with mint chewing gum, to the inside lid of the first bin you pass walking down Fleet Street to the Alwych. A reply will come to you by way of a message on inscribed inside a cup of take-away Earl Grey tea, honey, no milk, on the second Tuesday of the month, wherever you are at 4 PM. Alternatively, leave a comment.