Is it time for tea?

It's a singing dancing clock! What time is it? Super happy fun time, I imagine!

Summer Jams

Here's a couple of my favourite summer jams:



This onion confit is great for burgers, yam, beef or otherwise.



British strawberries are in season. This microwave strawberry jam includes amaretto. It's boozy and simple.



If you can get freshly grated coconut, here's a chutney for you!



Enjoy!

Sam's Super Salad

Here's a recipe for Sam's Super Salad, as invented by Sam and Matthew out of empty-pantry necessity.

Serves 3-4

Ingredients:

2 handfuls of assorted mushrooms, sliced
1 ball of buffalo mozzarella cheese
2 red bell peppers, halved and seeded
1 can of chickpeas, drained
1 packet of rocket/roquette/arugula/rucola
balsamic vinegar
olive oil
salt
herbs & spices

1. Start frying the mushrooms with a bit of olive oil and whatever herbs you like. (I like thyme on my mushrooms.) Fry them until they're brown and soft and squidgy. Then leave them aside to cool.
2. Roast the red peppers. To do this, but them in an oven tray and drizzle them with oil, as well as adding some herbs, salt, and pepper. Put them in the oven at about 190C for fifteen minutes or so. When they look warmed but still quite hard, turn your oven to HOT HOT OMFG HOT (broil/grill) and put them directly under the element until their skins are burning. Be careful when you're roasting the peppers, watch them and wear over gloves, et cetera. When the peppers are done, they will be mooshy, so you can shape them into slices with a spoon. Leave them aside to cool.
3. Drain and mildly salt the chick peas.
4. Cut the mozarella into cubes.
5. When everything cool and drained and cut, you're salad-ready: combine all the ingredients, and drizzle with the olive oil and balsamic vinegar and serve with fresh bread.

Jessi's Super Salad:

As a variation, use brie instead of mozzarella.

Oscar's Super Salad:

Oscar loves blue cheese. So, try using blue cheese instead of mozzarella, and maybe substituting chunks of toasted bread for the chickpeas.

Shiny shiny, shiny boots of leather...

Oh, hello! I'm back after a hard slog of exams, have have much to post from my recent adventures of breaktime 'twixt booktime. So, first of all, you can download free audiobooks here, on LibriVox. I've been listening to Von Masoch's Venus in Furs in the bath, lime cordial and soda in hand. It made me feel glamourous for a about a quarter of an hour, and then noodle-ish, as if I was a little udon noodle floating in miso broth, but this had more to do with my submersion in warm water than the musical and engaging voice of LibriVox's volunteer reader.

I'm a Linux user, and my open-source operating system distro of choice is Ubuntu, billed as "Linux for human beings." I use Ubuntu for two reasons: One, I used to be a Macintosh type of girl, but my love affair with Apple came to a end when my iPod and iBook collapsed within a month of each other in a veritable Liebestod of fading batteries, old-age bugs, and disk fragmentation, and I lacked the cash and brand dedication to renew them. Second, there is, of course, an ethical and political imperative I feel towards the use of open source software; see the legendary The Cathedral and the Bazaar essay and the other excellent essays and hacker reference bits on Eric Raymond's site . Basically, I really like open-source software but I'm too much of a former Apple point and click noodlehead to run something butch and heavy efficient like SuSe or Fedora. Anyhoodles, you're using Windows, and would like to try something different for your beloved compy (something speedier, more user friendly, more secure, less of those McAffee pop-up windows. Seriously, how do you guys deal with those?), take a look at this manga: Ubunchu. It's all about a group of high school kids installing Ubuntu on their new PC. As my friend Sam pointed out, manga as a genre is about as varied as "talking pictures" as a genre. So no giggles please. Okay, a few. Tee-hee.

Sorry I've been away...

I've been hunting isopods. Or, rather, running away from them as fast as I can, sometimes using roller-skates, sometimes using a home-made hot-air balloon weaved from plastic carrier bags, and sometimes simply legging it, screaming
"OMFG, kill it, kill it NOW!" Thanks for your patience. I will return to post more regularly soon.

A dream denied...

Dear Jez Catrina,

Thank you for your enquiry into vacancies at the Natural History Museum.

Unfortunately we do not keep general applications on file, however, if you would like to apply for a specific post, all of the Museum's vacancies are listed on our website at www.nhm.ac.uk/jobs where you can also register for email alerts for all new vacancies.

Alternatively, if you are interested in voluntary work experience at the Museum, details are also available on the website or please click on the link below:
http://www.nhm.ac.uk/take-part/volunteer/work-experience/

Thank you again for your interest, I wish you all the best of luck for the future.

Yours Sincerely,

"£$%^ &*$%*(
Customer Services Assistant
Natural History Museum
Cromwell Road | London | SW7 5BD
Tel: 020 7942 5511
Email: "$£%££^&&%$
Website: www.nhm.ac.uk

-----Original Message-----

Subject: Ready and willing to dust dinosaurs

The following message was submitted by email form.

Title: Ready and willing to dust dinosaurs
Submitted by: Jez Catrina
Message:
Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is Jez Catrina, and I am currently a graduate student at the London School of Economics. I'm doing a MSc in Global Politics, an umbrella program where students with diverse interests converge in a core module on globalization, while specializing in fields such as economics, history, gender studies, environment, or the academic study of activism, or as I call it, "Revolution 101." It's absorbing and enjoyable, and the perfect fit for a girl like me who's spent the last decade becoming a jane of all trades, having previously been worked or studied in an arts high school, a liberal arts college in a larger university, a continental philosophy faculty, a non-profit language school, a bookstore/cafe and DIY media.

I've always loved science, ever since I was a little girl. People always seem surprised by this, considering my formal qualifications and current academic interests. The popular Zeitgeist would have it that there is some deep psychological divide between the "arts" and the "sciences," as if enthusiasm for one naturally pairs with distaste for the other. Yet I've always been interested in both, and though I've mostly pursued a career in the "arts" I've always tried to keep intellectual and temporal room in my life for science, be it taking simpler science classes in high school and university (being an absolute fumblebuns at the nitty-gritty work that professional scientists are mainly occupied with), reading science blogs, or visiting museums.

This brings me to my query. I'm a Darwin fan, and I recently went the Museum of Natural History with a fellow amateur evolutionist to see your Darwin Exhibit. Being students, we arrived in the afternoon, but we found that the tickets had sold out. So, we naturally decided to visit the dinosaurs, as well as the animals, which I discovered weren't models, but all stuffed with fluffies, much like Winnie the Pooh. The specimens were magnificent, but very, very dusty. I do not mean to deride your janitorial staff, indeed, I applaud them for undertaking nightly what must be a Sisyphean task, that is cleaning up after hoards of children, some nauseous, some rambunctious, some covered in chocolate. Similarly, I do not underestimate the duties of your curators, who likely have to stretch minimal public money to maximum effect on a daily basis.

Rather than criticize the workings of your excellent institution, I'd like to offer my services as a dinosaur duster. I would dust the blue whale as well, and anything else the needs the attention of a good feather duster. I recognize that this would not necessarily be a daily endeavor. I'm currently looking for a job in London in September, something to keep me comfortable and to repay my swelling student debts, and I know you likely cannot hire me full time. Yet I would provide my own French maid's uniform, and would be perfectly happy to hang by a harness from a winch or climb very big ladders, given the position of the dustiest dinosaurs and animals. Please let me know if you are interested in my offer, and thank-you for a wonderful afternoon out.

Yours Sincerely,

Jez Catrina

Further information

Linked_from: http://www.nhm.ac.uk/about-us/contact-enquiries/index.html
formURL: http://www.nhm.ac.uk/about-us/contact-enquiries/forms/index.jsp

--------------
(PS: In the original, I used my real name, and the NHM's response was signed with a real name and email address as well.)

Jams: Theme songs and Rose Preserve

I watch Heroes. For those of you who aren't in the know, Heroes is an American television show that's essentially a soap opera featuring people with superpowers, combining the cheesy dialogue and "Who's the daddy?" plot twists of afternoon stories and characters who can fly, or shoot electricity from their hands. My favourite character is the erstwhile villain of the piece, Sylar, whose story has unfolded like a first-year university textbook's briefing on Freud. I have come to the conclusion that his character is based on this Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds song, Red Right Hand. Have a listen and a think.

Since we're on the topic of theme songs, my pal Oscar has chosen this song by Stereo Total as my theme song. Do you have a theme song? I think everyone should. If you do, let me know and leave a comment!

Also in the news, (my favourite section of the BBC's news site) this doggo is a survivor. And, as if you ever needed extra motivation to move to Somerset, there is now an entire village that is twinned and shares street names with Ankh Morpork, the "Big Apple" of Terry Pratchett's Discworld books.

While on the Beeb I found this recipe for Rose Petal Jam. It looks easy and potentially very useful for an afternoon tea party, but I'm lost as to how I could afford a pound of rose petals. That's a lot of roses. I mean, that's a lot of roses. That's a garden's worth of roses. Such is life, I guess. Strawberry jam forever.

Penguins with backpacks and lettuce nose-stuffers...

It's officially spring soon, so I though I'd celebrate with a hearty dose of the surreal. So, first of all, check out Picture is Unrelated, billed as our source for WTF? pics and vids. It's a definite must see-- most of the stuff on it is Tate Modern worthy, yet had has the added Dali factor of being presented out of any context, and supposedly isn't posed by Damien Hirst acolytes charging mega-pounds for head-bending.

This article from the Beeb isn't exceptionally noteworthy, though I do find it reasonably disturbing that some poor bloke with a McJob and a sense of humour suffered the possibility of prison for a YouTube prank. Low-wage service jobs cause misanthropy. That's an inexorable Law of the Universe, much like La Loi de Enmerdement Maximale, or Entropy. Anyhoo, what's amusing about this piece is the title. Shout out and major praise for the cub journalist who thought of "lettuce nose-stuffer." Is there a rule in journalism about how to make appropriate nouns for people who do odd things?

If you're in the UK, maybe you'd like to visit the Natural History Museum at Tring, which is "stuffed full of surprises." Literally. It's a taxidermy museum, with all sorts of beasties (like a polar-bear grizzly hybrid) now stuffed with fluffies like Winnie the Pooh. It's on my list of things to do, for sure.

And finally, this penguin can do people things! It carries a backpack and goes shopping! I do that every Saturday! Indeed, the world is full of wonders! Many thanks to Madeline for the link.

This is a veggie-monster from outer space. Enjoy!

La vie, comme c'est belle...

I was having a discussion the other afternoon with someone (over tea, of course) about translation and the subtleties between languages. It got me thinking about my other language, that is, French. Whatever you can say about French falling short of the English language's wordcount by a couple thousand dictionary entries, and however cliché it seems, French is a gorgeous, elegant and provocative language. Here are some of my favourite, hard-to-translate French words:

actualité: not anything close to actuality, actualité is something like "current events," "news," and "the real world, out there, you know," rolled into one little word.
jouissance: I would guess this world comes from joie, or joy; it means something like "bliss" but has a temporal dimension as well, so it's kind of like "moment of uncontrollable great joy." It can be spiritual, aesthetic, psychological, or, you know...ahem...
jolie laide: literally, "pretty-ugly." This describes a woman who, while not model-beautiful, manages to be attractive and sexy and desirable, through her sense of style, personality, and her--
charme: I think we call this "je-ne-sais-quoi" in English. It's an ephemeral quality that someone has that makes them interesting and unforgettable.
la loi de enmerdement maximale : the French equivalent of Murphy's Law. "The Law of Maximum Shittiness." Touché.

And if you're not all Frenched out, here's a link to the English and French full text of Saint-Exupery's deeply philosophical, wonderfully surreal Little Prince. (With illustrations!)

Viva la Evolution!

Newsflash! Auntie reported this morning that the Catholic Church wants to learn all about evolution. So, while you probably shouldn't natter on about how condom use in AIDS-rife regions in Africa is somehow a crime to the sanctity of human life, you should make like the Pope on this one and get Darwined up. So, to get you excited about biodiversity, the phenomena that launched Darwin into his explorations of both mind and world, take a look at these wierd, yet sadly endangered animals. It's not just whales that need saving, methinks, but also kiwi birds and olms and bumblebee bats. At Darwin Online you can read all of Darwin's works from the comfort of your personal computer, and after that, you can take a look at the Open University's Darwin page, featuring the Devolve Me thingamabob which will turn a picture of you into what you would have looked like as an australopithecus, as well as an order form for a free Tree of Life poster if you live in the UK. Then, after being there and doing that, you can buy the t-shirt.

If you're feeling sad today, here's a picture of Salvador Dali with his pet ocelot.

"Bees have fur, but they're no good for petting."

I sometimes wonder about the creative department meetings behind particularly funny, absurd, or unbelievable ads. For example, this commercial for Orangina Rouge. Laced with Gallic farce, it features a maniacal, anthropomorphic Orangina bottle going after some sqeaky-clean day-trippers with a chainsaw. The tagline is, "Why is he so mean?" to which Mr. Crazy Juice Pop Drink simply answers "Because!" ("Parce que!"). I adore it-- it's silly, but it works because people who see the commercial might immediately associate Orangina Rouge with a fun, absurdist piss-take. Either that, or the actor playing the lunatic refreshment will be assailed with calls of "Because!" for the next five years each time he walks down a boulevard or stops to pick up some Gauloises.

For anyone still sceptical of the Internet's potential to change the mechanics of civil society, see this article on the Nadia Kajouji case. (Warning: the piece contains descriptions of severe creepiness and preventable tragedy.) Through what other medium could one be persuaded, by a total stranger, into a fake suicide pact? Meeting said stranger on a site devoted to suicide, accessed after being ignored by real-world colleagues and friends? I feel this comes down to Yeats: And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,/ Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

On a lighter note, if you'd like to play with an online translation service perhaps less conventional than the now ubiquitous BabelFish (which, while being somewhat functional, still wins major points as the greatest proof of God's non-existence) try this Esperanto translator, and impress your friends and family with birthday greetings, dinner invites, aphorisms and sound bites in the invented language damned by Hitler, Stalin, and Orwell.

Dante, yamburgers, and loo roll...

Okay, so I once took a bunch of ten-year-olds from a less than affluent neighbourhood in Toronto through the National Gallery of Canada, stopping, of course, at my favourite painting, which is a Rosetti depicting Dante and Beatrice meeting in Florence (from the Vita Nuova) and Purgatory (from The Divine Comedy). After explaining to them who Dante and Beatrice were, and giving them a 30-second skeleton of their unconsummated romance, one of them asked me, "Why didn't Dante, like, get with Beatrice?" Wasn't like that, kids. Dante's fragile, poetic self could hardly bear the pure beauty and light that Beatrice was to him, and indeed, made clear for all history that he was willing to expose his soul to the workings of eternity just to prove himself worthy of her presence. "Lame," was the response. And now someone has extended that reaction in a way I didn't, for the life of me, forsee: as a video game.

The Wired blog describes how Dante has, in video game land, been transformed from a lost, exiled, middle-aged poet into a battle-hardened veteran of the Crusades, who must fight through the circles of hell to save Beatrice, who has had the unfortunate luck of being murdered, and then having her soul kidnapped by Lucifer. Dante is back, it seems, and this time, it's personal. This is either a nifty way of piquing interest in the classics, or a serious crime against literature. Maybe both. Either way, Virgil seems to be absent, so I'm giving the whole idea a resonding "meh!"

In other news, apparently Americans really are that decadent. Their penchant for ultra-soft, super quilted, triple layer loo roll will kill us all. Read about it here, in the Guardian. Props to the Big G on this one. I've always wondered what motivates people to buy luxury loo roll. Seriously. It's silly on so many levels. Use two-ply recycled, people. It gets the job done just as well. To re-iterate: we're on the verge of environmental apocalypse. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the maximum comfort of your bum is less important than clean air, adequate food, comfy houses, and the general prevention of waves of global strife, death and destruction. But that's just one woman's opinion.

Also, check out this great recipe for yamburgers, the best kind of veggie burger. (At least that's my tuppence. Feel free to disagree). I didn't use the boullion cubes or garlic, opting for celery salt and various herbs and things (thyme, parsley, allspice and a pinch of curry powder). I also found that two large sweet potatoes were enough, a red onion works nicely, and that the beans could be mashed (Thanks, Sam!) And there were yamburgers for all, and much rejoicing ensued.

This just confuses me. It's entirely without context, and while mildly amusing to some (vaguely unsettling and subtly eerie for me) it's nonsensical. What is this for? What is its purpose? What does it want? To answer with your theories, write them in Latin, in a mirror, on a used Zone 3 Underground ticket. Affix it, with mint chewing gum, to the inside lid of the first bin you pass walking down Fleet Street to the Alwych. A reply will come to you by way of a message on inscribed inside a cup of take-away Earl Grey tea, honey, no milk, on the second Tuesday of the month, wherever you are at 4 PM. Alternatively, leave a comment.

Food and shelter...

For anyone who lives in London, apparently Neds Noodle Bar has good American-style (as the guy I met in the elevator described it) Chinese food. There are two things to recommend it: one, your noodles will come in one of those American-style Chinese take-out boxes, like the kind detectives on Law and Order have scattered on their desk when the implication is needed that "it's so late, Mike and Lenny had to get take-out to fuel their lateral thinking skills!" Two, Neds' website, though really kitsch and somewhat casually racist, is seemingly very functional. Maybe the next time I'm solving a murder, or making a 15-slide PowerPoint presentation, I'll indulge.

And, if you feel that there's something missing in your life, something warm and furry and captionable, then check out these personal ads for a special feline or canine friend. It's like reading people personal ads, but less sad, and more fluffy (though I'm more than a bit concerned when they mention things like "Muffin's owner was made redundant and became homeless, so we're trying to find Muffin a new home.")

Did you know that?

According to Wikipedia, "after underwatering with tap-water, the most common cause of Venus flytrap death is prodding the traps to watch them close and feeding them cheese and other inappropriate items." Note to self, brie is people food. Not carnivorous plant food. Brie for me. Not for dionaea muscipula. Right. Got it.

Also, Google is available in Klingon.

If I could design shareware computer games...

I'd make a game like Pacman, only instead of a bigger yellow dot eating small white dots being chased down and possibly deleted by ghostish things, I would have a small, floating kitten equipped with butterfly wings eating rose petals, being chased by a fluffy baby bunny. The kitten, if caught by the bunny, would not be deleted, only tickled, and no GAME OVER would appear after three tickle sessions. The game would only end when the kitten needed to take a nap in a pile of towels fresh from the dryer. I think the world would be a better place.

Bistromatic Gnocchi

Named for the engine powering Slartibastfast's ship in Life, the Universe and Everything, this gnocchi preparation is a tasty dinner time treat.

1 package of gnocchi
2 big handfuls of mushrooms, sliced
4 cloves of garlic, crushed and chopped
1 small jar of tomato sauce
1/2 triangle of brie, skin removed and cut into small chunks.
olive oil

- Boil some water with a pinch of salt and add the gnocchi. Cook as you would normal pasta, but watch it since gnocchi take far less time.
- In the meantime, heat a bit of olive oil and fry the garlic. When the garlic is soft, add the mushrooms.
- When the gnocchi is almost finished and floating to the top, drain it and stir it into the mushroom/garlic mix. Cook until the mushrooms are soft and brown.
- Add the tomato sauce and brie, and stir until the brie is melted.
- Serve with a salad, and remember to move the gnocchi around your plate constantly to make your spaceship go faster.